bottled memories

never has it been that love bred no pain. for every time we smile upon seeing the person we love, there lurks a nagging probability of grief. besides, love works in cycles, doesn’t it?

like all other tales of woe, mine started with the unexpected meeting. brought together by chance, we hit it off right away. or so i thought.

he left me a message on this popular network, im sure all of you know about, friendster. the network was the only way i knew i’d be able to keep in touch with old friends back in the philippines. never did it occur to me that i would meet the only person who would teach me the lasting lessons of life and love.

we came from the same school. he was an alumni, i was a current student. we lived in the same zip code, the same area code, the same city, just 15 minutes away from each other. im no believer in coincidence. neither have i ever thought Fate had a hold on me. to me, it was nothing but mere chance. he saw a picture of me sitting outside some teacher’s classroom, thought it would be cool to meet someone new, left me a message, and boom, earned a new friend.

and so, the friendship started. two totally different people. one was a cynic, the other a blazing idealist. one an honest straightforward individual, the other a keep-it-to-yourself introvert. we barely had any similiraties. if there was any, it would probably be our empathy towards other people. he was the kind of person who would do anything for his friends. i, as well, would raise everyone else on a pedestal…introvert that i am.

just when we started to get to know each other better, hidden secrets began to surface. he was recovering from a painful break-up, and i was in dire need of someone to comfort me and support me especially with the piled-up problems with family. we both needed each other. we were there for each other. however, i admit i was too scared to open myself. he was liberal. too liberatead, i should say. i was only a conversative little child — naive and weak. i took refuge in his sweet words and he relied on the possibility that i may be the one to give him the love he never got from his ex gf. maybe i was too close-minded. maybe i was too afraid of being the rebound without actually giving him the chance.

we drifted apart by the minute. the conversations began to shorten every day. eventually, we stopped talking for weeks. and just when he was gone, i realized how much he affected my life. he taught me the value of laughter despite the agony eating me inside. he made me feel, for a brief period of time, whole and special. the pain of knowing that he’s found the happiness in someone else is too immense for me to carry on my own, but i endured and im happy for him. i miss our walks, hang-outs, conversations, laughter, and the hugs and kisses. every square inch of the places around me remind me of him, but i know it’s time to let him go.

there comes a time in a person’s life when things happen so fast you fail to see the tiny mistakes you make. those mistakes that build up until you find yourself unable to undo the problem. i don’t regret the things i did, or didn’t do for him. maybe it’s for the best. i’ve learned to love him, i guess i’d have to learn to contain my misery. it won’t be an easy road, but as long as he’s happy and content, i will be too. besides, that was all i ever wished for him, eventhough im not part of it anymore.