a start hello,my heart & me. god’s perfect choice

one simple hello and that’s how it started
we never expect too far
something happened and its so strange feelings
it just pops in, then something really childish
we did try to hide , but true colors show

a teeny boppers were like
such fancy feelings that grows
teeny grins though we’re not
it just slips out and cant hold it any longer
such actuations…noting it was just a passing scene

sometime before we neglected each others company
putting things in a normal set-up
friends as commonly called
enjoying much we go on
seeking life’s pleasure, putting aside everything
for we can’t have it just plain

as months passed by, i thought its forgotten
with the many depreciations and demarkations made
for it seems a tireless wait for something to come
and it so happen that we were just plain normal beings
without much care of whom we are to be with

knowing it was only a first hello
then, there would be nothing to count on
unknowingly by chance we had a word
just a simple glance of friendship and camaraderie
talking life as it was

suddenly, something strange is going on
talking much becomes intimate
that we are able to decipher the code
not knowing a sheer chance of having it all the way
abruptly things began to fall one by one

now, it was mutual feeling we had in us
not knowing for how long it will last
knowing that only you and me understands
as often said: actions speaks louder than voice
and that’s how it happens with just one hello at a start

my hart & me 

here iam again
trying to hide in my own sanctuary
hoping to find the peace i wanted
on my heart and me
i sit back, trying to recollect
of all the things that came flashing back on me
just then i remember… all of those hurts and love
that i have….
all of the pains that my heart feels

mesmerizing over it makes me feel lonely
only to find out , i was lost
only to find that iam like a soldier losing his fight
only to find out that iam all alone

i thought i could hold back those memories
i thought i could temper my woes
and heal those hatreds in me with the passing of times
i thought i could be in temperance with my heart and me
and thought i could be better

but then again…
it came up once again
bringing me to a stupor
feeling aghast… i sit back once again

feeling my heart and me

is there such thing as perfect love? …

Everyone loves to give himself totally to someone; To have a deep soul relationship with another; To be love thoroughly and exclusively; But God says: “No, not yet, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and contented with being loved by Me alone; With giving yourself totally to Me; To have intensely, personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
I love you my child, and until you discover that only Me is your satisfaction to be found; You will not be capable of the perfect Human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with Me exclusive of anyone for anything else. Exclusive of desires and longings. I want you to stop wishing, to stop planning; And allow Me to give the most thrilling plan ever existing..one that you cannot imagine. I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BEST.
Please allow Me to bring it to you . You just wait, don’t be anxious, don’t worry. Don’t keep looking off and away from Me…
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you I want to see in flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and enjoy materially and concretely;
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love I offer you myself. And then..when you are ready I’ll surprise you with a love far more exciting than any of you dream of, You’ll see; Understand that until you are ready, AND THE ONE I HAVE FOR YOU is ready, I am working even to this minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusive of Me;
And thus…perfect love and dear one I want you to have this most wonderful love. Knowing that I love you utterly.”

voyage

It’s hard to hold on to a feeling that you’re not suppose to feel.. You hope but nothing happens.. You keep on hurting yet you don’t know how to stop ‘coz you know that even if there’s nothing to hope for, there’s a part in your heart that says, “hold on a little longer, there might be a chance…”

We come. We go. That’s life or so they say. Come and go, it’s inevitable; or is it necessary? When bidding goodbye comes, we look back and it doesn’t matter if we cry or smile. Leaving is always sad and solemn, after all, both for the one who leaves and for those for whom he is leaving from. We’re never as much hurt whenever we go.We wonder why is it that leaving is always painful and emotional. In case we pretend to be unhurt of our going, our emotions could betray us, and lay bare our wounds of our leaving. Hidden or otherwise, wounds are just part and parcel of the whole saga. We cry. We smile despite the pain. And there’s the mix emotion, one that is both sad and excited. Then we go; and we’ve already left before we could ever know it. It doesn’t matter when we’re gone.

As we leave, we know we could go back one day. It’s time that tells us when. What it seems to be the most sensible thing to do when we’re leaving is nothing but to look back. It may do us no good but it’s important nonetheless.

There we can see people and places, and the special moments, and the memories as well. Looking back hurts. Always. There we can find those we left behind. Some are friends and foes…some are the people we loved, others that we hated…and some we feel near to, others that we feel distant from…people and events and memories that dwell in places we’ve been to. And we realize as we go, that all of that, comprises the one person that we were. And we realize we did not at all the time love and love.We hate also at times. There are moments in which we’re confident, others in which we’re regretful.We’ve loved, we’ve lost. Memories. How can we ever forget to include them in our suitcase? We can always go back anyhow to cherish and love the more or otherwise. It’s a matter to decide for.

When we go, it’s not the people or places that we turn our back to. It’s the person that we were. It’s not possible to include it in the list of things to bring as we would memories.And it’s not surprising then, that we feel a sense of loss whenever we go.When we leave, we don’t lose people and places as easy as we lose our very selves that we once were. We could go back to the same people, same places, or whatever it is that we want to go back to, but we can never go back to the same “us” that we have left.We realize that even going back hurts as much as leaving.

In our life, there are things we think we cannot just live without. For one thing, we value all that belongs to friendship much as life. But when we leave and go, chances are, we may lose them. We wish we could keep them eternally. We can if we stay perhaps. When we go, we can be able to save some for keeps; but the others, we would totally lost in vain. It is unfair sometimes why we ever have to lose something. The consequence is so painful that we feel we can never afford to lose anymore. But it’s totally absurd, as it’s totally crazy that in whatever way and no matter how we try to understand how the whole thing works, we may still lose nonetheless for over a time and again.

The same sad feeling goes to the people we left behind. They lose us; or at least in the sight of their eyes.

When we decide to go, there in our hands lay the blueprint of where we’re leading to or what we’re up to. There’s the plan. The itinerary. The tools and principles. However, failure comes when the plan we know best they’re gonna work out do not materialize the way we expect them to. It happens. We make mistakes. We blunder. We fall along the road. It’s just a matter of luck maybe. But destiny is something we work out for. It’s good that it was said, ” failure is a choice.” At least, we can know if we’re doing the right thing.

The moment we go, we should not forget we’ve been to the places and people we left behind. We know we could have lost a home. But home is where it is safe to be who we really are. It’s where we can never be lost.

One day, should we decide that we go back to where we have left, it would be special to reminisce the past just to have the taste of what it feels like to be exactly where we were before. The people..the events..the places.. Here, we can refresh the memories. We go. We go back. The same thing happens. The tears..the smile..the memories.